Phase One: The Tension Building
During this phase, tension mounts in the relationship.
Abuser may become increasingly irritable, frustrated, unable to cope with everyday stress
Victim feels they are “walking on eggshells”; they can sense their partner’s edginess
In order to cope, victims will deny that violence will occur and believe it can be controlled; they try to be compliant, nurturing, or stay out of the way of the abuser
Abuser may become fearful partner will leave and becomes more oppressive, jealous, and possessive
Phase Two: The Incident
The abusers intent at first is to teach the victim a lesson
Abuser loses control and acts violently
Abuser claims not to want to hurt victim, just to teach a lesson and justifies actions
May begin with a push or a shove but with time could escalate to a punch, use of weapons, serious injuries
Phase Three: The Honeymoon
This phase is characterized by extreme kindness and loving behaviours on the part of the abuser
Abuser fears victim will leave and tries to make up for the incident. Becomes charming, brings gifts, promises to never do it again
The combination of being treated so well and being needed, can entice the victim to stay; as well that the victim wants to believe the partner will change and/or feels responsible for the abuse
In advanced stages of abuse; the honeymoon phase may be reduced to a day without violence or is totally absent